Jessel Taank Ended Up Topless at a Cancun Bar, Jenna Lyons Can Sort of Relate (RHONY Recap)

This week’s The Real Housewives of New York City continued the cast’s trip to Anguilla.

We saw clashes between Jessel and Sai, Erin plotting revenge on Ubah, and a colorful (and accurate) sex tip from Brynn.

(Also, I think that we’re all shipping Jenna and Brynn at this point)

The Housewives also delved into their most humiliating moments. They were sad, salacious, and (in one case) star-studded.

Beautiful Brynn Whitfield suggests that she and her RHONY 14 castmates share embarrassing stories from their lives. She goes first. (Bravo)

After Brynn Whitfield offered a BJ tip that was more psychological than technical (but 100% accurate), she opened the floor to humiliating anecdotes. And she went first.

“When I was, like, 12 or 13, I go to the bathroom and I got my period,” Brynn shared. “So I grabbed a tampon and I remember I go and lay on my little twin bed.”

These days, Brynn is a mature adult woman. But at the time, she was astonishingly and atypically unaware of her own anatomy.

Telling her tale, Brynn Whitfield recalls attempting to handle her own menstrual cycle without guidance or any kind of sex ed. (Bravo)

So, Brynn was flying blind when she attempted to “find the hole” for her tampon.

It was only after she got up and walked that she realized that it “felt weird.” Brynn’s attempt had misfired.

“I put the tampon in my butt,” Brynn explained.

Both Jessel Taank and Jenna Lyons react with laughter at their castmate’s pubescent anecdote. (Bravo)

Brynn revealed that she hadn’t even realized that “there was another hole.”

The grim context is that she grew up in a “Catholic, conservative” environment that refused to teach her rudimentary basics about her own human body. That is profoundly sad.

Meanwhile, it left Jessel wondering what the situation with Brynn’s butt was. In her mind, it should not be able to accommodate a tampon.

One time, Jessel Taank ended up topless in a bar in Cancun. It’s quite the story. (Bravo)

Up next, it was Jessel’s turn. During a spring break trip with her friends, she ended up in the grotto of a bar in Cancun.

“We’re at the hottest club and inside this club is like a grotto, like there’s like two levels,” she set the scene.

“So I’m like, I want to go into the grotto,” Jessel explained. “And I didn’t bring anything — no swimsuit, nothing.”

Ubah Hassan bursts into laughter at the table in Anguilla. (Bravo)

“And so I take off my dress,” Jessel described. “And I’m wearing my underwear and I’m in the top level of this grott.”

She continued: “And I see my other group of girlfriends like they’re on the dance floor.”

Then, Jessel explained: “So I’m like leaning over and I’m like trying to get their attention, ‘Guys! Guys!’”

Jessel Taank explains how she accidentally popped out of her top before an entire crowd of partygoers in a Cancun grotto. (Bravo)

“I slipped in like f–king headfirst into the second level of the grotto and my bra goes up like this,” Jessel narrated.

“And my face is in the water, by the way,” she detailed, miming how her bra had slipped over her breasts.

“So I’m basically topless in Cancun in the middle of the club,” Jessel shared. “And everyone is like ‘Yeah!!!’”

Sai De Silva speaks to the confessional camera while wearing a very colorful top. (Bravo)

Jenna went next, sharing a decades-old visit to a “super expensive” restaurant decades ago — when she’d never even seen a black card before.

“At the entrance – it’s below – so you go down this very steep set of stairs,” she described.

“As I’m walking down the stairs, my coat is dragging on the steps behind me and someone steps on it,” Jenne revealed. “I go head-first like a rocket!” 

Jenna Lyons takes her turn in sharing a humiliating anecdote. (Bravo)

Sparing no detail, Jenna describes how she slid down the steep steps at “warp speed.”

She made it clear that she bounced and slid down all the way.

That sounds nothing short of agonizing and frightening. But there’s more to the story.

Jenna Lyons tells castmates Jessel Taank, Ubah Hassan, Brynn Whitfield, Sai De Silva, and Erin Lichy about a humiliating fall. (Bravo)

“The sound I made,” Jenna described to her castmates as they cracked up.

“I slam into the wall and who picks me up?” she asked rhetorically.

Jenna revealed that it was “Ralph Fiennes!”

In extensive detail, Jenna Lyons describes the collision that brought her long fall to an abrupt stop. (Bravo)

Ralph Fiennes was particularly famous at the time, as The English Patient had been a recent release at the time. (This was the ’90s, folks)

“Literally my stockings are thrashed all the way down and I have rug burn all the way down my hands and legs,” she shared.

“I’m, like, trying to stand up and just be cool and I want to cry so badly,” Jenna admitted. “It was, like, one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire life.”

Wearing a sharp outfit (as always), Jenna Lyons speaks to the confessional camera on RHONY 14. (Bravo)

About a decade later, a then more successful Jenna ran into the actor again. This time at a hotel bar in London.

“I don’t know if he remembers,” Jenna confessed. “I don’t think so.”

Better for people to remember her for her accomplishments and character and personality, yes?

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